If you go down to the woods today, make sure you take your wallet.

That’s the not-so-big surprise for South Australian taxpayers shelling out thousands of dollars to fund our very own political version of the Teddy Bears’ Picnic.

This particular picnic is just the latest demonstration of how the hard-earned dosh of voters is gaily frittered away by our MPs – and they all do it – in the name of shameless self-promotion, otherwise known as “discretionary spending” of their “global allowance”.

While most politicians waste our money on reusable shopping bags emblazoned with their names, new Labor MP Olivia Savvas has a penchant for teddy bears.

This may seem odd for someone who before entering politics worked for a major bank as an analyst specialising in counter-terrorism finance. But these are strange days indeed.

Savvas took the north-east suburban seat of Newland from the Liberals at last year’s election, nailing it with a healthy 5.4 per cent two-party margin. That’s an impressive debut in a notoriously fickle seat.

She became the youngest person to enter state parliament at the age of 25 – she’s now 27 – and is the youngest woman ever elected to the House of Assembly.

She should easily hold Newland at the 2026 election and will be a minister in the Malinauskas Cabinet sooner rather than later.

But back to the teddy bears.

Savvas had some explaining to do after the Opposition’s Freedom of Information requests revealed she had spent almost $3000 on fluffy toy bears as Year 6 graduation gifts for local primary school students.

Cue outrage by the Liberals. Cue high dudgeon and spin from the Malinauskas Government.

From shopping bags, fridge magnets and glossy ‘newsletters’ with multiple photos of the local MP on each and every page, it’s all junk.

It took two FOIs by the Opposition to tweak out the full extent of the first-time MP’s teddy bear shopping spree – $1463 for the first 100, then a $1463 bill for the second batch of 100.

The government says this wasn’t an attempt at a cover-up but “FOI incompetence”. It looks like one little public service teddy bear will be sent off to the naughty corner.

The MP for Newland isn’t breaking any rules with her teddy bear strategy. Or is she? It depends on who you ask.

The Treasury and Finance Department, who one might think would have the last say on wasting money, initially rejected the first invoice for reimbursement, ruling the bears were a gift and so fell outside the rules of the “global allowance” for MPs.

The FOI documents show that, after an approach from a Savvas staffer, Treasurer Stephen Mullighan overrode his own departmental ruling and approved the spending because the bears were not a gift but a form of trophy or medal.

Is it any wonder that the state’s runaway health budget has proved impossible to rein in?

It might be a useful exercise if Auditor-General Andrew Richardson, who heads the state’s independent financial watchdog, had a bit of a squiz at the teddy spend.

The cash amount may seem trifling but it’d be worth a ruling before the teddy precedent sees MPs doling out skateboards, Barbie dolls, yo-yos or Macca’s vouchers as “trophies” or “medals”.

A government spokeswoman told The Advertiser’s Kathryn Bermingham that “much to the Liberals’ annoyance”, Ms Savvas was an “energetic, hard-working MP who is strongly engaged with her community”.

“Do the Liberals really have nothing better to do than to complain about school kids receiving teddy bears?” the spokeswoman said.

The Liberals have sought to pin the teddy bear spend to Savvas’ age, labelling the purchases as “juvenile”.

That’s a cheap shot. Almost all spending by MPs on freebie geegaws is juvenile. The “global allowance” rules see politicians of all vintages and political hues collectively spending hundreds of thousands of taxpayer cash on junk to promote themselves. The older they get, the worse it gets.

From shopping bags, fridge magnets and glossy “newsletters” with multiple photos of the local MP on each and every page, it’s all junk.

I once accepted a rather classy “Sam Duluk – Liberal for Waite” shopping bag from his acolytes at Mitcham Shopping Centre, in happier times for the Liberal, then Independent, now ex-MP.

As his career unravelled, the navy bag started to draw odd looks at the Woolies checkout in Unley, and it’s now lost in translation. It’s a Bolshie place, Unley.

The political and ‘global allowance’ boundaries surrounding teddy bears are fuzzier than Fozzy Bear.

Worse than this, governments spend eye-watering amounts on advertising campaigns that are largely little more than thinly-veiled political promotion.

Expensive advertising campaigns after each state budget have almost nothing to do with informing the public – they’re all about telling the public what a wonderful job the government is doing.

And while it’s a worthy initiative, do we really need high-rotation TV ads telling us mobile phones are banned during school hours? Parents and students can learn all they need to know about the ban from newsletters and at school assemblies.

On Monday, Education Department boss Martin Westwell revealed to a parliamentary committee that the government had diverted $1.2m in Gonski school funding to run an advertising campaign for the new Findon technical college.

“It was worth it: it was an appropriate spend of money in order to make sure South Australians were aware of this opportunity,” he said.

Really? So far, the campaign has galvanised a mere 43 students to enrol. That’s hardly bang for bucks, is it?

Teddy-gate raises another issue. While the Year 6 students no doubt adore their free bears, they don’t need a special gift – sorry, trophy or medal – from their local MPs.

It’d be a good idea if MPs stayed right away from schools, particularly primary schools.

An award bearing the name of the local MP is designed to promote the MP and their political party.

While it may be well-intentioned, it is politicising the school yard, seeking to subtly imprint your party’s credentials on children and their parents. Hey pollies, leave our schools alone.

If MPs want to engage students in the parliamentary process they should conduct school tour groups around parliament house – as Labor MP for Hurtle Vale Nat Cook did this week – because the boundaries between a school yard and a workplace are clear.

The political and “global allowance” boundaries surrounding teddy bears are fuzzier than Fozzy Bear.

Besides, politics and toy bears aren’t always happy bedfellows.

In 1984, the late SA Labor legend Mick Young was forced to briefly stand down from the Hawke Cabinet when he failed to declare to Customs a large stuffed Paddington Bear in his wife’s suitcase.

And we mustn’t forget former Liberal MP, the late Ted Chapman, aka Big Ted, the man at the centre of an internal Liberal brawl that lasted for decades.

The lyrics to the Teddy Bears’ Picnic warn that if you go down in the woods today, you better not go alone, “it’s lovely down in the woods today, but safer to stay at home”.

By now, Premier Peter Malinauskas may have had a quiet word with Ms Savvas suggesting it’s safer leaving her teddy bears in the woods.

But if the MP for Newland persists with her teddy bear strategy, perhaps we could all pitch in to help keep the costs down.

A quick count of the Abraham household has revealed we have at least 18 stuffed bears – ranging from a traditional teddy to assorted Beanie Kid bears, including Victor the Vampire, a personal favourite.

If we all shook out our toy boxes, we could keep Olivia Savvas in free stuffed toys for donkey’s years.

My childhood teddy bear is sitting in the corner right now, watching me tap away, not making a squeak. Well, the old Ted only has one ear these days and no longer growls if you tip him upside down.

Can you bear it?

Matthew Abraham is InDaily’s political columnist. Matthew can be found on Twitter as @kevcorduroy. It’s a long story.