It’s Christmas!

So unless you work in the service sector, hospitality, (journalism? Nope, I’m outta here!), or retail you should be out desperately trying to find that last Kris Kringle gift you totally forgot about or feet up on the couch marvelling at how much Alan Rickman’s character in Love Actually reminds you of Steven Marshall.

But beyond that annual observation, the last thing any of us want to think about right now is politics. Right?

Because, let’s face it, politics here and abroad has been a bit of a downer in 2015, and right now we want to concentrate on peace on earth and goodwill to all men (and women!), both of which have been in short supply over the last 12 months.

I find, as I have found anew in recent days, that there is no better medicine for life’s ailments, both trifling and towering, than to simply sit and spend a few hours with one’s music collection.

In that vein, and because it’s a time for reflection, my last gambit for 2015 will borrow from my friend Greg Kelton, the Advertiser’s long-time Political Editor who left us three years ago next month, and who was last month posthumously honoured with a Lifetime Achievement Award at the SA Press Club.

I never quite adopted his fastidious obsession with the Government Gazette and the pages of Hansard, and while I have, alas, followed in the Silver Fox’s footsteps in losing my hair pigmentation, it would be said I am more silver and less fox.

Greg’s obsessions were classic rock music and politics, and he was never more pleased with himself than when he managed to colourfully combine the two. Most famously, when he pondered the respective benches of state parliament and assigned various MPs a song that reflected their recent travails.

Which is what I propose to do now.

My knowledge of the ’70s rock canon is not as abundant as Greg’s, but I’m sure I’ll still unwittingly steal one of his gags along the way.

JAY WEATHERILL: “Supermassive Black Hole” – Muse

I was tempted to go with Pink Floyd frontman David Gilmour’s 1984 track You Know I’m Right, given that probably sums up the Premier’s attitude to life, consult and decide notwithstanding.

But in the end, his biggest gambit this year was putting nuclear back on the agenda, which many suspect will see SA in the market to become the world’s waste dump.

Or it could refer to that commonwealth revenue shortfall he’s always banging on about. Either way.

STEVEN MARSHALL: “I Want You To Want Me” – Cheap Trick

Two years ago, almost everyone in the state – none more so than Marshall himself – expected him to become Premier. Now most people, perhaps even Marshall himself, aren’t so sure.

Even with the Liberals gaining a Turnbull-sixed bounce in the polls, he still languishes as preferred premier. The Liberals need a recovery like Tony Abbott needs a new job, but 2016 will have to be the year the party starts genuinely setting the agenda, rather than merely reacting to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJs_L7yq5qE

COREY WINGARD: “I Wanna Be Adored” – The Stone Roses

If his boss wants to be wanted, I’m not sure that’s enough for his perpetually obliging Transport spokesman.

JOHN RAU: “Don’t Change Your Plans” – Ben Folds Five

As usual, the Deputy Premier, Attorney-General and Planning Minister has been pushing hard for broad-scale reform, and as usual has hit some obstacles in the Upper House. His extensive planning reforms, which he had hoped to get green lit before Christmas, were ultimately scuppered in the Leg.Co – at least for now.

Once that’s out the way he hopes to tackle the justice system. Hopefully next year’s theme won’t be “I Fought The Law and the Law Won”.

TOM KOUTSANTONIS: “Glad I’m Not A Kennedy” – Shona Laing

Ironically, obviously. I’m fairly sure he thinks he is one.

Because it’s Christmas Eve, I would also have accepted The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”, since it does a good line in “Conversational Swearing”. I’ll include a link, but – like Kouts – it comes with a Language Warning!

LEON BIGNELL: “Take This Bottle” – Faith No More

I was pondering using “Leon Takes Us Outside”, a little-known 1995 Bowie track, to reflect on the Tourism Minister’s penchant for travel. But it was what he actually purchased while on the road that landed Biggles in the most hot water this year. Case in point – a $100 bottle of Argentinian wine.

“What I know is that if you’re in business, or you’re in politics or you’re in sport, you always want to know the measure of your opponent,” Leon told an estimates hearing by way of explanation.

“If our opponent’s Argentina, I want to try what their wine’s like.”

And for your sacrifice, we thank you, Biggles!

MARTIN HAMILTON-SMITH: “Leaving On A Jet Plane” – John Denver

This one could have been Leon’s, but we’ll give it to Marty because he’s certainly doing his utmost to fit a lifetime’s ministerial travel into his likely mere four years on the frontbench.

STEPHEN MULLIGHAN: “Always Crashing In The Same Car” – David Bowie

Would also have accepted The Beatles’ “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” to commemorate Stephen’s great and not-at-all-controversial idea of plunging a tunnel into one of Adelaide’s most notoriously choked city exit routes. But instead, the Thin White Duke can commemorate his career highlight to date – when the Driverless Car he was trialling came to grief with a dummy kangaroo – on camera, of course!

ISOBEL REDMOND: “How To Disappear Completely” – Radiohead

The trick is to never, ever speak to the media, even if it’s just a passing “hello”.

JOHN GAZZOLA: “I Don’t Believe You” – P!nk

“I don’t believe you, when you say you don’t need me anymore,” sang the gravelly-voiced songstress, aptly summing up the former Leg.Co president’s response when his party told him it was time to vacate the chair. Although Gazzola, being an old-time rock-and-roller would probably never have listened to P!nk in his life.

TONY PICCOLO: “Say Hello, Wave Goodbye” – Soft Cell

We never got to know the real Tony Piccolo, but even those who know him well don’t hold out great hope that he’ll survive an impending reshuffle. Politics is a numbers game, and a cruel one at that. And the numbers require a fine balance between factions and genders. And Piccolo falls on the wrong side of each to hold his spot.

He’s also had his share of controversies, and knows how to mangle a decent grab. But he’s a hard worker who attended his portfolios with the safe diligent dedication with which he plied his Light electorate.

As Soft Cell (the original and still the best version of this song) put it: “I never knew you, you never knew me”. But it looks like goodbye.

PETER MALINAUSKAS: “The Man Who Would Be King” – The Libertines

For the most hyped Upper House casual vacancy in the history of state parliament.

MICHAEL BROWN: “We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful” – Morrissey

The Labor staffer had been next in line for the Legislative Council when Weatherill intervened to install his factional mate ‘Mali’ instead. To be fair, he took it with good grace. But I’m sure he’d have been in the mood for some Moz melancholy, secretly hoping another of the Mancunian’s melodies was more apt: “The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get”.

MARK PARNELL: “Bicycle Race” – Queen

“I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like…”

I also strongly considered “Village Green Preservation Society”.

JON GEE: “Once In A Lifetime” – Talking Heads

Jon Gee still wanders parliament with the vague air of a man who doesn’t quite know how he got there or what to do now he has. Lest we forget, he was a late ring-in after Michael O’Brien’s failed bid to parachute Don Farrell into his safe seat of Napier ended with neither of them in the safe seat of Napier, and the ALP short of an MP for one of its most coveted prizes.

Thus, as David Byrne once mewled: “You may find yourself in a beautiful House… and you may ask yourself, ‘Well…how did I get here?’”

ROB LUCAS: “I’m Still Standing” – Elton John

After 33 years and counting, and all but nine of them in Opposition, Lucas can claim a career with more comebacks than Elton John himself.

RUSSELL WORTLEY: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” – R.E.M.

Rusty is no doubt enjoying his current gig (if he keeps it) as president of the Leg.Co but, let’s face it, it’s no ministry. I would also have accepted “Little Lion Man” by Mumford and Sons, to reflect the fact he can probably no longer claim the mantle of being his faction’s most senior member in the Upper House, impressive mane notwithstanding.

(We’ll go with the R.E.M. version of this song, because it’s the best, and also cos it’s a little bit rock’n’roll – just like Russell!)

MICHAEL PENGILLY: “Lover, You Should Have Come Over” – Jeff Buckley

Word had it Pengilly was among those targeted by Labor when it was trying to shore up its electoral position in the post-election hung parliament chaos. He didn’t jump, but his close colleague Martin Hamilton-Smith did. Given the respective trajectories of Labor and the Libs since then, one wonders if he ever ponders the late Jeff Buckley’s lament.

TERRY STEPHENS: “The Way You Do The Things You Do” – The Temptations

Poor old Terry. That’s the last ‘Tiser survey he’ll respond to: his claim to have helped inspire the re-building of Adelaide Oval has seen him become a cult figure around parliament, allegedly responsible for everything from discovering fire to building the pyramids. And he did it all with that perpetual smile on his dial!

Cross party support: everyone loves Terry, apparently. Photo: Twitter.

BOB DAY: “Here Comes The Sun” – The Beatles

If there’s one thing the uber-conservative Family First senator does better than firing up those that agree with him, it’s riling up those who don’t.

Which he duly did in a recent radio interview, wherein he railed against the folly of the climate change debate, insisting “there’s no evidence whatsoever that carbon dioxide is influencing the climate”. Well, apart from all that stuff qualified scientists keep trying to show us, Bob.

Of course, none is more qualified than Day himself, who “got to study science at school and after school”, and proclaims that inasmuch as the earth’s climate changes “it’s caused by the sun’s activity, not man’s activity”.

Curse you, Solar Deity!

DAVID LEYONHJELM: “Happiness Is A Warm Gun” – The Beatles

While we’re delving into the federal sphere (and the Fab Four), best give a shout out to the Liberal democratic senator from NSW, who managed to leverage his support for the Coalition’s immigration bill into relaxing Australia’s internationally-touted gun control, effectively allowing the importation of the Adler shotgun. He’s argued Australia is a “nation of victims” whose gun control regime sets a poor example for countries like the US to follow.

“I don’t think Australia is a model for the United States on gun control at all,” he said in an interview spruiked by the NRA, in a rejoinder to those of us who thought the US was no model for gun-related violence.

“Australia is a defenceless country these days,” the senator went on.

“I am absolutely in awe of the success of the NRA at holding back the tide and it never gives an inch.”

Quite right, David… I’m a bit in awe of them too.

ADELAIDE CITY COUNCIL: “Why Do I Keep Counting?” – The Killers

Is it 10 food trucks? Is it 20? Does it even matter, since the whole process has been so muddled the Government will probably take the whole lot over anyway?

SA LABOR PARTY: “What Have I Done To Deserve This?” – Pet Shop Boys

Spiralling unemployment, a surplus predicated on massive ESL hikes and a dubious asset sell-off, report after damning report into the Gillman fiasco… and yet the Government remains favoured by many to win re-election. The song title says it all.

SA LIBERAL PARTY: “Crying, Hoping Waiting” – Buddy Holly

Kind of sums up the intervening years for the Libs since the last election.

So there you go. This wistful reflection has helped me come to terms with the fact that I never got to go on Michael Smyth’s “Four On The Floor” segment – DAMN YOU, ABC!

It will, no doubt, be politics as usual in 2016, which means we will be here as usual, muddling through to make sense of it all.

In the meantime, Happy Christmas.

Tom Richardson is a senior reporter at InDaily. His regular political column will return in 2016.